Enough Already

I can think of several things that are far greater and infinitely more exciting than the advent of sliced bread.

What Goes On Over There?

We have once again come to the day where people gather to express gratitude for the bounty in their lives. You call it Thanksgiving. My family calls it Thursday Night SmackDown. Enjoy.

It's True, Really It Is

I can not teach what I can not do, or have not done.

What The What?

I'm the center of my own attention, but, then again, so am I.

Water Weight

There is a male contestant on this season's Biggest Loser who weighs less than I do. This is a problem.

Biology

If Darius Rucker and Chad Kroeger moved to Texas and had a love child, it would sound like Mac Powell.

Surprise, Surprise

"The best thing about a well executed surprise party is realizing how expertly your friends and family members lie to you." FJA

Trick Question

"If you're happy and you know it..." Is there anyone out there who is happy but doesn't know it?

Genuinely Insincere

That's right, ladies. I got all this without steroids.

What Is It Good For?

I hate war and all that goes with it, but I love the warrior.

Superfluous

Hey, PIN is an acronym for Personal Identification Number. Therefore, saying PIN number is redundant. Please stop it.

I Love Mondays

For a lazy Chocolate Jedi, I sure do work a lot.

Indeed

A friend in need, is a pain in the ass.

Bitter Sweet

The only voice I ever heard that could sound tragic while singing a happy song is Nina Simone.

I Can't Get Enough Of Your Love

I am a servant to my neighbor's cat. How did this happen? Who am I kidding? I love that beautiful, little fur ball. And, she loves me. I'm certain of it.

Let Me Clear My Throat

When a building is on fire, more people die of exposure to smoke than to flames. Sometimes when people have been in small spaces with a car running, the smoke from the exhaust has killed them. Voluntarily inhaling smoke through cigarettes is really stupid.

Come On

You ever make up stories about strangers? You know, you see someone or a couple of people and you make up a little vignette about their lives? Maybe it's dramatic, maybe it's sad, maybe it's treacherous? No? Me neither.