The Sky Is Falling

Hey, all you Facebook weather reporters out there, have you always been this boring?

Clarity

A decade is a period of ten years. The word is derived from the late Latin decas. Since there is no year 0, I'm going ahead with the idea that a decade goes from year 1 to year 10. Therefore, 2009 is not the end of the first decade of the 21st century. The decade ends on December 31st, 2010. I know ordinal references are not commonly applied to decades (as they are to centuries), but believe it's the more accurate practice. I hope this helps.

Mixed Nuts

I'm very confused by people who post quasi 911 alarms on Facebook about how sad, upset or even depressed they feel, then go on to play 4 hours of FarmVille or Mafia Wars.

Have A Little Class

If you have to lick your fingers to separate whatever you're trying to hand me, I don't want it.

Your Plans? That's Funny

Hold on loosely to your agenda, unless you’re actually into disappointment and frustration.

I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

If you want to quit smoking, you can take Chantix. Here is part of the actual warning: "Serious neuropsychiatric events, including, but not limited to depression, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt and completed suicide have been reported in patients taking CHANTIX." Suicide is not a side effect. It's the main effect.

That Can't Be Right

Sex is a dirty, sinful, disgusting activity that you should save for someone you love.

Are You Really Sorry?

A half hour late once in awhile is a matter of circumstance. Five minutes late all the time is a matter of contempt.

Sometimes, It Is About You

When given a choice between two equally unappealing options (the classic dilemma), choose the one that has the most potential for humor.

Infinite Sorrow

Some salespeople are like vultures. They can't kill anything, and some days, nothing will die.

The End Is Nigh

'Unfriend' is New Oxford dictionary's Word of the Year for 2009. Can we just go ahead and admit that western civilization is a failed experiment?

The Horse & The Cart

I've heard people say, "I won't be happy until I lose weight." I say to them, "You won't lose weight until you're happy."

Pay Attention

If you repeat the thing I just told you I didn’t understand, guess what, I’m still not going to understand it.

Ecophagy

It's not just science fiction anymore.

Work It Out

If you're not sweating and panting when you're done, you're not doing it right. I mean exercise, of course. What were you thinking about?

Moving On Up

Forget tolerance, embrace acceptance.

Perspective

Turn that frown upside down. For those of you smiling, well done. For those of you doing a handstand while still frowning, you got me on a technicality, but there may be no hope for you.